funny !!

[Nitro390]

A John Kerry Fan

A teacher in a small Vermont town asks her class how many of them are
John Kerry fans. Not really knowing what a John Kerry fan is, but
wanting to
be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one
boy.

The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny
says, "I'm not a John Kerry fan."

The teacher says, "Why aren't you a John Kerry fan?"

Johnny says, "I'm a George Bush fan."

The teacher asks why he's a George Bush fan. The boy says, "Well, my
mom's a George Bush fan and my dad's a George Bush fan, so I'm a
George
Bush fan!"

The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Vermont, so she asks,
"What if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would
that make you?"

Johnny says, "That would make me a John Kerry fan."

[Nitro390]

The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh

[jgotti]

SOOOO TRUE!......... ;D

[jgotti]

Computers are female
The top six reasons computers must be female:

6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner.

5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic.

4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.

3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

2. The message "Bad Command or File Name" is about as informative as

"If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON COMPUTERS ARE FEMALE:

As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it.

[Rat]

Do I sense some frustration?

[7SLawLess]

HMMMM, I don't see a comment from Brooke.

[jgotti]

yes i need help bad! i'm so bad i play this online game that lets me kill as many people i want....sometimes even my own team!

[Nitro390]

walk the drunk home






CLICK ON THE HYPERLINK BELOW TO PLAY - ITS ADDICTIVE

www.wagenschenke.ch/ <http://www.wagenschenke.ch/>  

[Nitro390]

Clocks In Heaven . .

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front
of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall
of clocks behind him.
He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone
on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the
hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved,
indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that
one?"

St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock.
The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told
only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's John Kerry's clock?" asked the man.

"Kerry's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as
a ceiling fan."

[Brooke]

Try this link:
www.wagenschenke.ch/HomeRun.swf


And post your high scores!

[Stryker]

Good one NITRO ;D
I got to 61 Meters

[Gav]

I was always hopeless at the "guide the drunk" one... You guys ever play the Yeti Sports games...?

[BShanahan14rulz]

woohoo 71 meters!

[jgotti]

guess i've been out of practice being drunk....only got 44 meters......gonna work on that drunk thing

[Brooke]

79. I gave up.