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Post by Nitro390 on Dec 9, 2004 18:52:38 GMT -5
This is a simple IQ test created by "W" when he was Governor of Texas. Insiders say this test could be given to some or all
Supreme Court nominees expected over the next four years.
There are only 4 questions. If you answer all 4 of them corectly, Mensa is offering a schlorship to become a brain surgeon (ala Jethro Bodine).
Ready?
GO -- (scroll down) (THIS IS NOT PART OF THE QUESTION)
First Question:
You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you approximately 100% wrong. If you overtake the second person and take his place, you are second ... dummy.
To answer this next question, don't take as much time as you took for the first one. And try not to screw it up.
Second Question: If you overtake the last person, then you are ... (What?)
Answer: If you answered you are second to last, you must have your mind on something other than this test. Tell me, how can you overtake the last person ... "Einstein"?
You're not very good at this are you?
Third Question: This is a math question and it must be done in your head only. Do not use paper and pencil or a calculator (and no fingers or toes either)
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000.. Now add 10. How much is that?
Scroll down for answer.
Did you get 5000? If you did you only missed the correct answer by a mere 900 semolies. Admit it ... You wouldn't take this test if you knew that everybody' would know what everyone else's score was, now would you?
You didn't believe that, do you? Check it with a calculator. One more question. This one is so simple that Trigger answered it by stomping his hoof a certain number of times to indicate the correct answer. If you get stumped, remember it worked for Trigger.
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
Did you answer "Nunu"?
Of course not. Her name is Mary ... and that's the first thing I told you ... idiot. I'd truly be worried if I were you.
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Post by BShanahan14rulz on Dec 9, 2004 19:38:21 GMT -5
HAHAHA that was sweet! i only got two of them :/ thats equatable to (hmm, 2/5 = x/100, x=uhh....uhh........) 40% just like all my normal math quizzes!
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jgotti
Major
Always Thinking Different
Posts: 365
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Post by jgotti on Dec 9, 2004 19:41:46 GMT -5
way to go Jethro! ;D
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jgotti
Major
Always Thinking Different
Posts: 365
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Post by jgotti on Dec 9, 2004 19:51:07 GMT -5
he is a sitcom character from The Beverly Hillbillies i'm guessing that show went off the air before your parents were elementary school
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Post by Brooke on Dec 12, 2004 8:55:32 GMT -5
Thanks Nitro...
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jgotti
Major
Always Thinking Different
Posts: 365
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Post by jgotti on Dec 13, 2004 4:29:01 GMT -5
hehe.....
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Post by Nitro390 on Dec 13, 2004 14:44:04 GMT -5
The coolest Dear John Letter
A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows: Dear Ricky, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it 's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you. Love Becky
The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters,ex-girlfriends, aunts,cousins etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty gals he had collected from his buddies.
There were 57 photos in that envelope....along with this note: Dear Becky, I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who the heck you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me. Take Care, Ricky
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jgotti
Major
Always Thinking Different
Posts: 365
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Post by jgotti on Dec 13, 2004 18:12:16 GMT -5
the age old Dear John letter,alas,the female of our species sure is fickle
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jgotti
Major
Always Thinking Different
Posts: 365
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Post by jgotti on Dec 13, 2004 18:23:08 GMT -5
How Army policy began This is Army policy all begins...
Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the Banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water. After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result - all the apes are sprayed with cold water.
Continue until, when another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes try to prevent it.
Now, turn off the cold water.
Now, remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.
Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.
Again, replace a third original ape with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape.
After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes which have been sprayed with cold water have been replaced. Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs. Why not?
"Because that's the way it's always been around here."
That's how Army policy begins...
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jgotti
Major
Always Thinking Different
Posts: 365
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Post by jgotti on Dec 14, 2004 5:00:00 GMT -5
Politically Correct
GREETINGS !!
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit our best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all . .
. . and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2005, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.
By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms.(This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.)
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
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Post by Gav on Dec 14, 2004 14:59:16 GMT -5
You forgot to mention that all events referred to within the aforementioned non-specific seasonal greeting are entirely fictional and that any resemblence, however striking and/or implausible, to actual people or occurances is purely coincidental.
You also forgot to add that the above and any files transmitted with it is or may be confidential and/or privileged, and is intended solely for the for the use of the individual to whom it was addressed. Should anyone have inadvertently received and/or read your communique in error, they should notify you immediately by using the software of their choice to contact: john_gotti@overdone-legalities.com
;D
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jgotti
Major
Always Thinking Different
Posts: 365
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Post by jgotti on Dec 15, 2004 21:07:32 GMT -5
well said Counselor!..just an example of how absurd political correctness can become
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Post by Gav on Dec 16, 2004 3:57:26 GMT -5
Yep. You need 47 pages of legal "clarifications" to say a single sentence...
If you don't, your reply of "so sue me!" never seems to go down too well... ;D
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jgotti
Major
Always Thinking Different
Posts: 365
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Post by jgotti on Dec 17, 2004 18:50:31 GMT -5
Say it with a SMILE
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Post by Gav on Dec 18, 2004 7:25:49 GMT -5
Ah so THAT'S where I've been going wrong!
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